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Deepak Shukla’s Notes On How to Argue and Win Every Time by Cary Bergeron :
Hey guys,
I finished reading this book on the 10th January 2021.
Here’s a synopsis of the book I grabbed from Amazon:
“Communication is a fact of life. You are forced to communicate with other people every day whether you want to or not. You communicate with your words. You communicate with your voice. You communicate with your posture. You communicate with your attitude. Being able to effectively express your thoughts and feelings is essential to successful business and personal relationships. Not being able to communicate effectively in any situation can cause miscommunications between you and another person which can give way to arguments. Like communication, arguments are a fact of life. Learning how to handle yourself in an argument is the key to learning how to successfully win an argument without offending anyone or hurting anyone’s feelings.”
And here are my actual notes I took whilst I was listening to this on Audible:
- Be a graceful winner
- Also, use humour and humility to build rapport and keep conversation light
- Speak calmly and use words that are not aggressive
- NEVER attack the other person. Once words are spoken they cannot be undone
- Be calm and positive throughout
- Avoid conjunction ‘BUT’
- Building rapport is critical. ‘I hear what you are saying AND’. And is a positive conjunction
- Say: I understand. I recognise. Or ‘you seem angry’
- When attacked: Deep breath and look away to calm down and shows you’re trying to be calm and logical
- Small calming gesture is spreading hands slowly with palms down
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- Unless they become belligerent then don’t
- Mirroring body language subtly
- From hand gesture / posture / skin colour can give away way they’re feeling
- Everyone a combination of all three but with different leanings
- Visual words to use such as brilliant / vibrant / colourful
- Visual thinkers will use words such as I’m feeling blue or you’re not seeing my point of view
- Visual thinkers exhibit tension in their neck and shoulders as they become animated while speaking
- Visual thinkers – think in terms of pictures and speak quickly In a high pitched voice
- With emotional thinkers use words such as belonging / calm / harmony / kind / nurturing / relax / peace / tranquility
- Tend to use emotional words such as I feel this / you make me angry because
- Emotional thinkers think in terms of feelings. Tend to breathe deeply. Tend to speak in a slow and deliberate voice with their head titled
- Use auditory words with auditory thinkers such as loud / lyrical / medolic /rhythm / soft / squeaky
- Auditory thinkers tend to use auditory words such as you are not listening to me / maybe I need to turn up the volume for you to listen to me
- Auditory thinkers – think in terms of sound and tend to make rythmic movements when they speak or tilt heads to side as if they were listening
- I heard you say / I understand that you’re / could you clarify what you mean by…
- Repeat what they say in your own words to show that you’re listening
- Be sincere when you pay attention. This will help you win the argument
- Stay focussed – don’t allow subject to change
- Don’t use works like could should or because
- Deeply consider the other person’s point of view – what will they argue? What will they say?
- Focus around sincerity and logic
- Never get emotional
